When you pray for lemons, life hands you a lay off

When I began my photography career, I was so excited to actualize my dreams by getting a real job at a real studio! I wanted to learn first hand the ins and outs of running a space with hopes of applying that knowledge to my own studio in the future. And learn I did, I got to work with big lights, amazing clientelle, and meet so many talented creatives, but like all good things it came to an end. I didn't plan to be there forever, but I also didn't expect time to fly by so fast. For a long time, the sudden change in employment was a major shock to my nervous system and it honestly paralyzed me from creating. It prompted a time of reflection on myself as an artist and what I have been making versus what I have been putting off. Newsflash: I was putting off a lot of my passion projects and personal creative time to the side. Looking back, it makes sense why God removed me from there at that time. I had learned all I could from that opportunity and it was time to APPLY.

But I didn't have the capital to buy my dream building or even rent a space so where and how could I possibly apply this knowledge? God has a very interesting way of subtly communicating what I need to hear and over the course of this reflection period (nice way to say unemployment), I kept hearing in my subconscious "What can I do with what I have?". This question would end up being my north star for when I feel stuck. If God can use a lady's last bit of oil to fill multiple jars, what do I have already and how do I need to use it? It was time to take inventory. I had my camera, my paint supplies, two diffusion boxes, a backdrop stand, and a garage. After sitting in my garage, staring at the walls and my parents never ending supply of stuff - it became painstakingly clear that I had been overlooking a GOLD MINE. Every day I have been standing above a unused piece of real estate wondering "where can I invest into", with the answer a flight of stairs away.

After that, scripture started flowing and the dots really connected "Every place your feet land shall be yours" (Deut. 11:24), "In all things, at all times, you will have all that you need to abound in every good work" (2 Corin. 9:8), "I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with ability, intelligence, and knowledge of all craftsmanship…" (Exodus 31:1-6). These scriptures kept calling out to me but I felt like they didn't apply to me, given my dramatic change in circumstance and motivation. But alas, all the cliches are true. Faith of a mustard seed really is all you need. God can do a lot with your little. You already have everything that you need to succeed. Even if I didn't believe it at first, I took a chance and operated as if I believed these cliches until I actually did. I literally had nothing to lose so why not. I began writing in my garage like it is a studio, drawing in my garage like it is a studio, equipment hunting and playing music in my garage like its a studio, completing projects in the garage like it is a studio… And day by day the vision for what the space would turn into became clearer. I took these visions to paper and mapped out how my studio would look given the space available and made a list of dream equipment and amenities. Then I actually began to order some of those things even if it seemed small and insignificant😱

To a normal person, it's like duh those are not super profound steps. You want to do something, get the stuff to do it, get it done. But to me, it's rewiring my brain in a way that made me realize there's a problem with the original wiring. It feels like Ive been crying and praying for lemons, so I can make a lemon pound cake of course, as if theres not a whole fruit bearing lemon tree in my backyard!? Like girl go get yo lemons omg. I say all this to say, it is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking we don't have what we need to live to our fullest potential. "When I get the money…", "When I get the perfect job…", "When I get the degree…", "When I get…". We think everything will only be better after we get to the destination, completely ignoring the beautiful, necessary, unavoidable, kinda uncomfortable journey it takes to get there. That journey will come with beautiful views, but it also may come with a flat tire, and for whatever reason though it's inconvenient it is what had to happen. Again, not a super profound or unheard of thought, but definitely a vitamin worth remembering to take.